| Strange times |
[Nov. 28th, 2008|09:39 am] |
I've been too busy to write much recently but I feel the following needs reporting so that, in the event of a premature demise, a prime suspect is identifiable.
Last night I received what is, without doubt, the strangest letter + enclosures of all time. Bearing in mind that I co-edit a crossword magazine and get my fair share of extraordinary correspondence, this is no mean feat. I will not name the sender but suffice to say he is a very good and fast crossword solver who is getting on in years; he has is never seen without his tesco bag. He is also, apparently, heavily into the dance music scene in Brighton. I jest not.
Said letter contained the following:
a) an envelope addressed to "Simple Simon Pieman" on the back of which was a handwritten reference to Euphoria, Return to Ibiza (remixes) - out on Friday apparently at a price of £9.99 (£19.99 in Canary Wharf).
b) Inside was a second yellowed envelope - containing a letter from The Times dated 19 November 1993 informing the sender of a win in the Listener crossword No. 3225.
c) As well as a third yellowed envelope from 10 September 1986 containing a letter of congratulations re Listener 2683
d) A photocopy of the solution to Listener 2677 won by, inter alia, Mr E.B. Uvarv of Suffolk. There is a handwritten annotation stating "Notice the cunningly encrypted name".
e) A piece of paper on which is written the following
"There was an old man from Torquay
Who had Raspberry Triple for Tea
He opened his lips
Got a Mouthful of pips
and three himself into the sea".
f) An original cutting from The Times of 14 December 1990 in which the demise of the Listener magazine is reported.
g) A printout off the internet of a webpage containing a photograph of Birnbeck Pier, Weston-Super-Mare.
h) A photocopy of a filled-in Listener crossword 2303 (An hour to play by Ploutos) from 18 July 1974. This copy also has an inset copy of the solution to 2301 at which the sender was apparently a winner.
i) A photocopy of the answers from some quiz. Together with a second page of answers, some of which are handwritten. These are too weird to report in full.
j) A yellowed piece of paper on which the sender has written out the entire poem The Rolling English Road by GK Chesterton and Ted Hughes's Hear It Again.
k) A letter to me asking me to readmit him to the Magpie (I presume) and alerting me to the fact that two of his own compilations will be arriving soon. It contains an explanation of the sender's pseudonym (which is based off his full name, one of the names of which is Thomas) and the following line:
"We won't mention the Thomas unless she demands to see my 7" collection of etchings etc".
Other than concluding that the sender is definitely on drugs (possible), what is going on?
Chinese Democracy is disappointing so far. The only song I really liked at first listen was Catcher in the Rye and that's because the guitar-playing on it sounded the most like Slash.
Haven't done a Listener-style crossword in weeks! Have a few ideas for new puzzles though, which is refreshing. Just need some time to turn them into something :-( |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2008|12:10 am] |
Last night I watched Once on DVD - what a great film. I knew about Glen Hansard from The Frames (he was also the young guitarist in The Commitments) and the film is a joy for anyone who likes proper music.
At the weekend I had the pleasure of preparing Magoo for his triumph in the Times Crossword Championship - in fact, it is a virtual certainty that he would not have won but for me. Had I not been at his house I wouldn't have drunk most of his champagne, thereby leaving him free to sip Ribena and keep his faculties intact for the next day's exertions.
The competition itself was fun. I plodded through the three puzzles in the second semi-final in about 29mins - averaging under 10mins a puzzle is not that bad for me. Still it wasn't quick enough - Magoo taking about 15minutes (which is about right as he is normally about twice as fast as me on the Times). I can take that though as I suspect Magoo is, in terms of pure speed, the fastest solver of the Times cryptic ever. It would have been fascinating to see him duel with John Sykes...
The final may not have the theatre of the US crossword championships (no white boards at the front - which is an innovation they should definitely consider at some point) but it is still pretty tense. At the point Mark raised his hand (after 18 minutes) I had solved almost all of the second puzzle, about 2/3rds of the third puzzle and had 2 answers in the first. It was pretty impressive. I think Tim Smith was second about 4 minutes later - still an awesome time on those three puzzles.
So well done Magoo. And remember, you owe me for keeping the Krug to myself ;-) |
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| Short update |
[Sep. 17th, 2008|09:53 am] |
So life moves on...
My holiday in Tanzania was very cool - lots of animals including, at last, a leopard. Zanzibar was also nice but I'm not sure I'd recommend it over some of the other beach paradises (it is not a patch on the Maldives).
Last weekend was the Times Sudoku Championship. A new format this time (which was better): basically 4 Fiendish puzzles in round 1, then another 4 in round 2 and the 8 best aggregate positions across the two rounds qualify for the grand final (another 4 puzzles).
What the organisers got right was the elimination of monstrous Super-Fiendish puzzles which reward guessing. Although I did use a couple of guesses in the competition it was nothing like as bad as last year when I guessed every puzzle.
I bumped into Tom and George beforehand and it was great to catch up with them again. Tom has clearly been practising, George hadn't due to starting work - ha, welcome to the real world!!
The first session was interesting in two main respects: I was about 1/3rd of the way through my third puzzle when a girl next to me raised her hand - and she didn't want to go to the toilet. My slow brain realised that she must be Nina Pell, which indeed was so. 18mins for those four puzzles was very very quick. Perhaps not Thomas-esque but world class. The next surprise was that when I raised my hand (about 8 mins or so later), Tom C was still working. I looked round and Magoo had finished but not that many others seemed to have stopped work. And about 10 minutes later Tom was still working - I could see him frantically rubbish things out and, at one point, the tell tale movements of a man drawing a new grid could be discerned.
Tom did raise his hand in the end but it goes to show that sudoku-solving can catch anyone - an early mistake you don't catch and you can lose your rhythm, then your confidence and then you are lost.
I'd finished 9th it turned out, Magoo had an error - which he was furious about. George was second, behind Nina.
The next round of puzzles felt much harder. I struggled on at least two of them and needed two bifurcations (aka guesses) on one of them. Tom blitzed through beating the room by minutes. Nina was also very quick. I was far too slow. Although I finished them all, my finishing position (around 25th out of the 100 in the room) was not quite high enough to get me into the top 8. B*llocks.
George was second again (from memory). I didn't recognise any of the other names in the top 8 but it was good to see 2 girls in there - something that wasn't the case in the world championships, where the top places were pretty male-dominated.
Again the organisation had improved so a number of us were able to do the Final puzzles along with the actual finalists. Tom C, who must have been pretty peed off, blitzed them again - beating Nina, the eventual winner, by 11 minutes! Tom believes he has got very good at spotting hidden triples, which were apparently important for the puzzles in question. I am obviously not very good at spotting these (indeed I don't think the Snyder method is particularly helpful in this regard). Nina's article suggests that she adopts a "write every possibility in each square" approach - which means she must be lightning in terms of speed. This is what I used to do and finding the logic can take a lot longer for some puzzles - although it is fair to say that the puzzles that you can't actually solve using this method are rare (certainly in a newspaper context).
George was unlucky and finished fourth - which was still very good but I think he was disappointed - he definitely could have won and I'm sure he will do one day (providing he doesn't let work get in the way!!).
Right, back to the world of banking falling apart around me. |
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| Neglect |
[Aug. 13th, 2008|09:18 am] |
OK, so I've been incredibly lax about updating this recently. So here is a brief rundown:
1. Am now officially the Godfather. (Well the definite article may not be valid but it definitely sounds better...)
2. The K Club has the three best finishing holes I've ever played. However 380Euro for one round of golf is crazy (The round does not come with a gold bar.)
3. Good few days in Portugal was also not cheap - the Euro is killing us. Had an enjoyable game of golf with a jewelry designer known as "Hubert" (www.hubertgem.com). He was a pretty good golfer too and told a nice story about just missing out on competing in the US Amateur a few years back (where he played with a guy called Adam Scott...). Which reminds me, Paddy Harrington - what has happened to you?!
4. Gareth Barry. I go on record now and say that I want to see him sign for Liverpool. Even if it means that Alonso goes. The Kop doesn't agree but he is one of the best left footed players in the league; has a proven record in the EPL; he is rated by Benitez and I rate Benitez; and he rarely misses from the penalty spot - unlike everyone else currently taking pens for us.
5. Love Jason's idea of a Nikoli team league. Could we then have fantasy Nikoli? How much would Motris be worth vs Hideaki Jo?
6. My Apple Mac. I love it. What I don't love is Electronic Arts - whose "helpline" seems designed to induce rabid insanity. Despite them and my general technological ineptitude I can now run Windows on my Mac both through Parallels and Bootcamp. And, most importantly, Command and Conquer Tiberium Wars runs on the latter. Welcome back, commander ;-) |
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| More Layla |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|01:14 pm] |
Been reading more about the history of LAOAL (see previous post).
The funny thing about Clapton's back catalogue is that a lot of it IS flat. (Sorry Eric). Many of his live performances are sterile - they feel like he is going through the motions - and I can understand it when he says he is embarrassed to listen to some of his work. Even the great affinity he feels with Robert Johnson didn't propel him to hit the heights: his recent tribute album for instance is just ordinary; the guitar playing mediocre and safe.
His early career with the Bluesbreakers was good, Cream was better, and then came Derek and the Dominoes - at a time when his personal life was something of a mess.
This comment about Clapton's performances on LAOAL from Dave Marsh, in The Rolling Stone History of Rock and Roll struck a chord:
"there are few moments in the repertoire of recorded rock where a singer or writer has reached so deeply into himself such that the effect of hearing them is akin to witnessing a suicide... "
Not the music is "blue", it is just emotional and the result is that Clapton's voice and guitar playing are simply out of this world. |
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| Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs |
[Jul. 14th, 2008|04:31 pm] |
is still the best album of all time. I revisited it at the weekend and it's still breathtaking. It takes some gumption to write an album about being in love with your best mate's wife, especially if it's true. Clapton has never been better, inspired as he was by a cocktail of heroin and cocaine, a guitarist who could genuinely push him in Duane Allman and the then unrequited love of Patty Boyd.
It has many many beautiful songs but most people who haven't listened to all of it will know Layla. And those who know Layla probably know the "extended version" with the piano solo overlaid by Duane Allman's slide guitar.
But what most people don't know is that the man who contributed this sublime ending to one of the greatest songs of all time... murdered his mother with a hammer just over a decade later. |
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| It's good to be back... |
[Jul. 4th, 2008|09:31 am] |
Watched a film called The Football Factory last night - it's about soccer hooligans. Superb film and, I'm reasonably reliably informed, true to life. Certainly a lot more realistic that the "hooligan" film Green Street - featuring the menacing thug aka Frodo the Hobbit.
A friend of mine sent me this: skip to the last five minutes where he "explains" his method for squaring 5-digit numbers - amazing.
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/arthur_benjamin_does_mathemagic.html
I need a new book to read, recommendations please...
There is an advert on UK TV at the moment which uses the music from Tears For Fears' Mad World as the backdrop - a blast from the past but what a good song.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World |
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| Hooray |
[Jul. 3rd, 2008|01:59 pm] |
Somehow work's filtering system has stopped recognising Livejournal as naughty...
Quick update:
1. Went to The Magic Flute last night in Holland Park. Actually quite enjoyed it, though I think Mozart would have been better off editing it slightly. The version we saw was 3 hours long, whereas about 40 minutes would have worked better.
2. My new Apple computer arrived. It is very smart. So far I've not tried to upload anything useful to it (like Chambers CD Rom) but my faith in Parallels is, at this point, absolute. And completely unfounded.
3. Martin O'Neill. Get over it.
4. Spurs. Keane wants to come to us. Let him go. (I like Keane as a player, though I worry he is just a slight upgrade on Craig Bellamy - which makes him expensive at the mooted £20m).
5. Although I'll probably regret writing this, I'm looking forward to watching Deco play in the EPL next season - class player.
6. My golf is toilet. Getting knocked out of every competition in sight and cannot hit my proverbial hat. No idea what is wrong, other than the ball doesn't come out of the middle of the club and goes in a random direction with random spin - quality. |
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| Satan and his mates |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|10:46 pm] |
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| |  sore | ] |
have struck again... this time by filtering all blog sites out at work ie no access to anything on livejournal :-(
Stupid w*nkers. I've been trying to come up with plausible reasons as to why I need access to livejournal to do investment banking, but it's not easy...
Tiger's performance this weekend was absolutely incredible. Rat-ief Goosen must be feeling a little bit stupid at the moment... especially after Karlson's caddy confirmed that he could hear Woods' knee making funny groaning and clicking noises during his swing - nice.
That said, I wonder if Tigger could have played through the pain I've been in since last night's game of 5 a side. Bravely trying to stop their striker shooting, I threw my body in the way of the ball... right bollock first.
The feeling of a football compressing your right bollock is hard to describe but its mere mention may be enough to bring tears to the eyes of all males reading this. Despite being pole-axed, I played on after a brief interlude of gasping with my head between my legs... and I had a much more manly gait thereafter...
Rather annoyingly I have a work lunch tomorrow which coincides somewhat with the Nikoli sudoku championship - not that I had the greatest of chances anyway but even so...
I watched my first Cincinnati Reds game this evening on NASN. They were playing someone called the Dodgers - and they lost. But they looked quite skilful and interesting so I'll stick with them, even though they seem to be coming last in their division. I learnt that there is an "all stars" game soon when people play off for which division winner will get home advantage in the "World Series". Who picks the team for that?
The new Coldplay album isn't bad. But it isn't that good either. |
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| Still more pissed off |
[Jun. 16th, 2008|09:34 am] |
Did a check of my partial solutions from the USPC and am sickened. Was basically there on the Ampersand puzzle (at what stage in my 55 minute marathon I'm not sure) but seem to have ruled out a correct orientation in three of the quadrants for reasons that are beyond me. Distances - this one's even worse - my grid is finished correctly!! No idea what I was thinking except that it was late in the 2 1/2hr stretch and my brain was tired. I recall thinking there was a mistake and not having a clue which circles to then remove from my solution to fix it - turns out I just needed to be able to count.
Basically though this all comes down to speed. If I was faster I'd have longer to check/think and I wouldn't make (as many) "silly" mistakes.
Thomas's performance is incredible - to finish the entire test with so much time in hand beggars belief. Thomas - please get on with curing cancer and put puzzles to one side for a while. :-)
On to another genius: Tiger Woods. I stayed up last night until 2am watching yet another extraordinary perforance from the great man. I have absolutely no idea how anyone can play the golf he has played with a busted left knee. Obviously we can't tell exactly how busted his knee is but ANY weakness in that joint won't be good for one's golf. He has played some of the breathtakingly exciting runs of holes over the last few days. Friday, he starts the back nine(playing the wrong way around so the first hole) seemingly out of contention. His left knee buckles on a shot from a path and everyone thinks he is going to have to pull out of the tournament. But no, he goes 3,3,3,3,3 to take the lead. Let's be clear too, the course is over 7,600 yards long. I remember when Beth Page Black was considered a brute and what was it, 7,200yards? All but every par 4 on Torrey Pines is over 450 yards (going up as high as 515 yards); there are cliffs and rough that seems to suck the ball down into it - a monster in every sense.
Then Saturday he is playing like a dog and looks out of it at 2 over. So he holes a 60foot downhill putt on the 13th for an eagle 3(the same hole where Mickelson takes a 9). He does this despite clearly being in a lot of pain he's seemingly barely able to walk. His swing has become all hands as he fights to protect his knee - he hacks up the next couple of holes and then misses the 17th green left. The commentators describe his shot as incredibly difficult owing to the slope - they don't mention that he plays the shot almost hovering his left leg in the air to avoid putting pressure on his knee. He chips... one bounce and straight into the hole - are you kidding me? Even Tiger looks bemused as if he's thinking 'god I want to pull out of this but, everytime I think about it, I do another incredible thing so I can't".
Now he is within a shot of the lead but he really seems unable to walk. The 18th is a 565 yard par 5 over water - I'm thinking he will tap an iron down there and just try to finish the course to get some ice on his knee. Tiger though nails his drive, nails a 5 wood to the back of the green and holes a 40 foot left-to-right downhill putt for another eagle. Never mind Federer, Nadal, O'Sullivan, Ronaldo, etc - we are watching the greatest sportsman of his generation. To do the things he does, under the greatest pressure, as often as he does them staggers me. To do those things when you can't walk properly and perform at this level when a fundamental part of your body isn't functioning as it should is just crazy, isn't it? Is there another sportsman who could still be the best in the world carrying an injury like this? No one comes even close.
And so last night all the heroics above look like they might count for nought - he can't hole a putt or swing properly - the magic seems to have deserted him (well really his knee is just buggered). He hits what I consider to be the worst shot I've ever seen him hit on 13 when he follows Westwood into the rice plants to give away the lead. He arrives at the 18th needing a birdie to tie and force a play-off. He starts predictably badly with a pull into a bunker. He has 225yards to go all over water and the lie (and his knee) aren't up to it. He hacks a 6 iron, literally hacks it out - it goes... sideways, and into the primary cut of rough over 100 yards from the green. The pin is at the front so he has no chance. The ball is descibed by Howard Clark as in "a terrible lie", ie really settled down. Woods takes a massive swipe and, don't ask me how, lands the ball on the green and gets backspin (BACKSPIN out of deep cack) to bring the ball within about 15 feet of the hole. The crowd goes mad but the putt is no gimme. Clark tells us it is left to right and very fast; Woods hits it right to left. Woods is right, the ball catches the right edge and... dives into the hole. Tiger's celebration tell the tale - the guy goes absolutely nuts - and rightly so. If he goes on to beat Mediate today, this will be his finest hour. To win the US Open on a course 7,600yards long when you can't walk or swing properly would take the piss. COME ON TIGER.... |
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| God damn it |
[Jun. 15th, 2008|12:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
So I manage to get to try the USPC real time by going into work (my printer doesn't work at home blah blah blah). Would have been really pleased I did too if I didn't spend 1hr 18 mins of the 2hr 30min test doing puzzles I'd not finish. This included an incredible 55 minutes on Ampers& Crisscross which I broke every which way.
Here's my order:
Started with Battleships - this didn't fall as quickly as it normally does (yup, I broke it first time through) so I thought sod it and did the Sudoku in about 3 minutes or so. Nothing much to add about that, it was easy but everyone will have found it easy.
Totally against my pre-planned order I then did Black Pearl because I glanced at it and thought I could see an easy start. So it proved and it didn't take too long. Then Maysu - again easier than last year I thought and I'm doing ok.
Next I looked at Arrow Ring expecting another easyish 10 points. I've not done one of these since last year and for some reason this took me longer than I thought it should. I got it out but it wasn't that quick - probably 8 minutes all in. Next I did the Kuromasu, which I had never seen before but agree with others seems Corral-like. Seemed to work ok and I'm still going well. Went back to Battleships and did it a bit more carefully - it was fine really, I was just being dim.
Now Murder No. 6 - piece of the proverbial - 3 or 4 minutes max.
At this point I think I will have a go at one of the harder puzzles. For some reason I was freaked out by the SoDontku (I blame Motris) so I figured I'd go for the Amper-fucking-sand crossword fill. And I was still doing it nearly an hour later. Do I know what went wrong - nope, still no idea cos I didn't finish it and couldn't bear to look at it again on the train home. For some reason I kept trying to start using ORMANDY and kept making errors: my strategy of trying to identify all the words that must be shortened (eg Veranda) was pretty rubbish and even when I got the grid almost filled I must have an error somewhere as I still couldn't finish (even refilling based on the symmetry). So that's it. Another cock-up in one of these tests, which completely buggers my chances of a decent score :-(
[Since read that Thomas finished this puzzle in 7 or 8 minutes. OK then...]
Feeling somewhat dejected I go back and do the Corral (again easier than last year) and the Word Search (which again I never practice and this one felt quite horrible relatively - especially if you're in a bad mood!).
Now I make my second large error: I spend several minutes trying first Sheep in Fences - and not making any quick progress [I then did it on the train afterwards but in the somewhat pathetic time of 13 minutes]. Then I try the KakuroH - again spending at least 10 minutes before deciding the progress was just too slow to keep doing it. So I do the Distances and, yup, it flows quite well until I break it really late and I'm like "OK, GOD DAMN SATAN SHAT ON MY HEAD TODAY DIDN'T HE".
I do the Crisscross Pairs and feel a bit better about myself.
Then I finally allow myself a look at the sudoku - with 6 minutes left on the clock. And, it's an awful lot easier than I thought it would be but I can't finish it in time despite having a lot of it done.
Ignoring errors my score will be a paltry 145, but errors are sure to abound.
Very annoying as I really enjoy the puzzles: I've definitely improved no end at loop-based stuff in the last year or so but I should have given myself a strict 20 minutes on the Ampersand thing and then moved on rather than thinking a breakthrough was just round the corner - when it wasn't. I'd also have been better starting at the back - with over 100 points available for just three puzzles you need to be solving at least one of them to trouble the scorers.
On non-puzzle matters, I spend yesterday afternoon at the Fat Duck in Bray. Reputedly one of the best restaurants in the world. & yes, (grrrr), I did have Snail Porridge and Bacon and Egg Ice Cream! Overall the meal was certainly memorable but it contained more misses than hits for me. The service is not a patch on Gordon Ramsay and, to be brutally honest, neither is the food. We had the tasting menu and I'd say three of the courses were superb, one was inedible (Parsnip cornflakes with Parsnip milk) and the rest were unusual but just ok.
Thursday night saw a gathering of the Magpie editors for drinks and eats at Magoos. It was very good fun and I was able to collect a lot of material for the next editorial - which, unfortunately, it is my turn to write.
I got a taxi this evening to London Bridge station. We are stopped at some lights and a car draws up next to us with a couple of young black guys in the front - they are listening to some quite loud music but nothing about them is offensive to my mind. The cab driver pulls down his window and says to the guy in other car
"You're going to be prime minister of this country one day."
I listen bemused. The guy in the other car is smiling politely, I think also wondering what the cabbie is on.
"Yes, you - you're going to be just like RObert Mugabi" says the cabbie, sneering.
THe black guy still smiles, I don't think he's heard what the guy's said.
"I wish I had a machine gun" says the cabbie. "I'd mow down the lot of yer" and he drives off.
I was ashamed to be in the car with him.
A band of gypsies (don't think any of them are Magpie subscribers) has encamped in the school car park opposite our house. I am going to call the old Bill out to remove them. Then I got to wondering whether I was much different to the cab driver... |
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| Muppet |
[Jun. 4th, 2008|10:54 am] |
So I get home from work on Monday just about early enough to dash to the golf course for a few holes. I meet some people up there and have a good hour and a half. I go to the garage on the way home to pick up a couple of bits and pieces.
My wife arrives home a little later, looks at me and asks why I am wearing my polo shirt inside out and did I think it was normal to walk around with a 3 inch black label waving around behind me.
Not cool. Not cool at all.
I go to City Airport last night to fly to Milan to see some Germans. I can't fly because City airport is closed due to the discovery of an unexploded second world war bomb in Stratford. This is ironic.
I thought this article was interesting:
http://www.brewtonstandard.com/articles/2008/06/04/opinion/opin03.txt
Is it true? I thought the idea was that Obama was bringing into play more states than previously had been thought winnable by the Democrats?
What is the point of Easy grade Akaris?
My newsnow favourites now includes the Cincinnati Reds where I'm able to keep up with the exploits of Jay Bruce. One of my American colleagues at work has also introduced me to ESPN.com, which is replete with the players' salaries - interesting reading - as well as the TV channel NASN which I got already but didn't realise. So I'm now able to watch live baseball in my lounge - quality! |
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| Football chants |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|03:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
Although The Sun is a shi*e rag and I should never even look at it given my football proclivities, I was amused by the list they put together of the best football chants of the past season:
“Does your butler know you’re here?”
West Ham to Fulham fans.
“You’re just a fat Paris Hilton.”
Arsenal fans to Liverpool’s Andriy Voronin.
“Let’s pretend we’ve scored a goal!”
Bradford City supporters facing another home defeat.
“Who needs Mourinho, we’ve got Dave Pacio.”
Droylsden fans get behind their manager as they finally get a win.
“I love Tottenham more than you!”
Spurs supporters to other halves back home on Valentine’s Day.
“We can’t see you sneaking out!”
Worcester City fans celebrate as the floodlights fail, causing a game to be abandoned while 2-0 down.
“Does your livestock know you’re here?”
Mansfield to Norwich fans.
“Scorer for Kilmarnock, number 16 Dick Turpin.”
At Motherwell as opponents snatch a last-minute winner.
“And now the Olympiakos team . . . wish me luck!”
Worried Chelsea announcer preparing for a tongue-twisting teamsheet.
These are all rather better than "Let's Go Mets"...
Anyone know anything about Apple Macs? Thinking of switching my current Windows based PC (which is now so slow I could almost do the Excel calculations I occasionally ask it to perform faster in my head)... |
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| NYC etc |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|05:35 pm] |
Spent last weekend in the Big Apple - good place to go for a few days (though I could NOT live there). With Ziti's blessing I have changed my baseball allegiance again, this time to the New York Mets - home of the "Let's Go Mets" chant, which is just like Liverpool's Torres song, only naffer. A trip to Shea stadium was much enjoyed, especially as they kindly laid on a crowd fight for us so we felt right at home. We even saw an apparently rare Mets victory against a team from Florida (the Marlins, I think). Several things impressed me:
a) the fielding - it was hard to relate the distances involved to cricket but my impression was that these guys are really really good throwers. Although they can't be that coordinated as they seem to require a two-foot glove to catch the ball...
b) the speed and accuracy of the bowling... sorry pitching. 97mph is fast and I pleased to see one of the pitchers was accurate enough to actually hit the guy he was aiming at near the plate - which must have hurt.
A lot.
We went to batting cages over the weekend as well down at the Chelsea Piers (only in the 60mph cage though) - brilliant fun. I'd love to have played this game at school - it's much better than cricket. Noon impressed us by missing the ball over 100 times in a row, which must actually be quite skilful. I reckoned on getting the bat on about 8 out of 10 with probably 5 going forwards and 2 or 3 going well. But I'm keen to try again - though not sure there are too many cages in London and I'm not letting a human throw at me as I don't know any humans I trust enough...
Our friend is helping look after abandoned dogs, which involves giving them regular walks around Central Park. We helped on one of the days and my dog was the spitting image of the evil gremlin from the original Gremlins film. We had fun but I've got to say that these sorts of dogs are fearsomely powerful. With Jack and Sophie (black labradors) I know that I could always overpower the dog, which is a sort of comfort as there is absolutely no reason to worry about their presence (though I'd never leave any dog alone with a young child). Not so with the Gizmo lookalike - pure muscle and jaws that did serious damage to the stick I threw for it.
Our hosts informed us that the best way to make the dog release you if it bites in anger is the old "digit up its rectum" trick. That would work on me too.
Best restaurant we visited was The Stanton Social - the food was amazing and the price was ridiculously cheap considering how much the waiters/waitresses must have had to pay to drive their cars to the place...
I could empathise completely with the Americans complaining about their "gas" price - petrol in the US is what, about a 1/4 the cost of ours...
Had a good chat with a taxi driver about the Democratic race: he was a big Obama fan and was as outraged as me about Clinton's reference to Bobby Kennedy's assassination - yeah right, you were just noting that that process went on until June weren't you Hillary.
Reality TV catch up:
- chuffedfor Jodie winning the Nancy competition, especially given Cameron "twat" Mackintosh's blatant bias towards Jessie. He must feel a bit of a prat now ... his comment that "Jessie IS Nancy" would seem to be, er, incorrect. I plan to audition for the part of Bill Sykes. I have diagnosed the necessary skills to be:
- desire to perform in the musical Oliver before thousands of adoring fans each night in the West End
- a good singing voice
- decent acting ability
- fondness of dogs
I have all the necessary skills except that I can't sing or act so I reckon I've got a 50/50 chance.
- the standard of the final of Britain's Got Talent was remarkably high. The girl who didn't even get in the top 3 had an astonishing voice - and she's 12 years old...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80N9tgLXCsg
Also check out the dance act Signature on Youtube - the tall guy is pretty awesome at Michael Jackson-style dancing.
Ok, this next thing isn't reality TV but it is sobering. I like to think I'm an ok guitarist and then I watched this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3Lt0UdhrLo
Now where's the tablature...
- delighted to see David Cook winning American Idol. The guy has a great voice and genuine stage presence - he actually makes some pretty ordinary songs very interesting.
As you will have gathered from the numerous postings thus far, who better to be a godfather to one's child than little old me? Yet, I was approached on Friday to perform this very feat. Touched I was. I hope they weren't hoping I'd actually decline because I said yes! |
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| All hale Kobayashi |
[May. 16th, 2008|12:24 pm] |
So I get home from work yesterday and I start watching the TV. Discovery channel has a programme about one of the great sports not yet accepted as an Olympic discipline: competitive eating. I watched in morbid fascination as the incredible Takeru Kobayashi devoured 53.5 hot dogs (including buns) in 12 minutes. Then I read on the internet that in the Krystal Square-Off, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut has downed 103 hamburgers in 8 minutes. That must be quite hard.
To qualify for the Krystal competition, one has to get as many eaten in 2 minutes as one can - the record for this is 39. Yup 39 hamburgers in 2 minutes. That's a lot of food.
Anyway, I finished my soup and bagel in a more sedate 22 minutes - about average in my house - and continued channel hopping. Now American Idol - please can anyone explain to me how it is even a competition at this stage: David Cook is by so far the best contestant left in that he should walk away with it next week - want proof? See www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPIqdaf7tHQ. The other David is devoid of even the remotest hint of charisma and Sayisha (?spelling) is good but Cowell must be wondering what he'd do with her when he's got Leona Lewis to promote at the moment - and let's face it, Leona Lewis ought to be a megastar.
My TV watching wasn't done yet though: I flick over to the Classical Brit awards and learn
a) Einaudi has released an album this year - so I will get that.
b) More awesome still, I get to watch a duet between Andrea Bocelli (who I quite like) with the extraordinary Anna Netrebko (www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0HaDXu4M0U), who I like a lot more ;-)
On Nikoli I made a foolish challenge to Ziti on Nurikabe and Heyawake puzzles: so far there have been two and I've lost both. Only narrowly mind, so the game's on. I've also decided to "switch" allegiance so far as baseball teams are concerned to the Cincinnati Reds, on account of them having the same nickname as the mighty reds from Liverpool.
Having just decided this I looked up their official site and they seem to be bottom of a league called the Central league which is within something called the National league - so it looks like I've started supporting a somewhat lacklustre side!?
On the other hand, I'm pretty sure the other fans of my new team don't behave like the animals in these scenes from Thursday night's Rangers UEFA cup final. I really wish that these sorts of people could be locked up somewhere incredibly unpleasant for a very long time.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/scotland/article3942222.ece |
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| Thought dump |
[May. 9th, 2008|08:59 am] |
Yesterday I was blind copied on the following email to Chambers re their dictionary:
"Three years ago I wrote about a number of misprints, or errors, which I had found in my copy of the 2003 edition of The Chambers Dictionary. Mr Ian Brookes, Senior Lexicographer, sent me a pleasant acknowledgment, and they were I think all corrected in the next edition.
Since then I have seen that the Hebrew letter mem is missing from the table in the Appendices, and that the corpus of the Dictionary defines peh as the fifteenth (instead of the seventeenth) letter of that alphabet.
Moreover the table of the Arabic alphabet transliterates za as "a" instead of "z", and my CD-ROM of this table has added some curious phonetic annotations ("palatalized", "guttural", "soft") against three Arabic letters. If you wish to distinguish the two Arabic Ts, Ds, Zs and Ss, you can call the second of each pair "pharyngealised" (or as some say "velarised"). As for the two Hs, either might loosely be called "guttural". The second is glottal, like our H, and the first is pharyngeal.
By the way hardly one would define Jerusalem as "a city in Israel", as you do. Zionists call it not just "a city" in Israel but its "eternal and indivisible capital". Almost everyone else (even the US State Department) disputes that it is wholly, or even partly, in Israel at all. The FCO website states the British position on this controversial question in six dense paragraphs. No doubt many others have preceded me in urging you to delete "in Israel"."
Which brings me on to my next theme. The Apprentice (for those in the US who read this the employer is one Alan Sugar of Amstrad fame) episode on Wednesday. The potential recruits are sent to Morocco and need to buy specific items in the souks. One of the items required was a kosher chicken, which completely flummoxed most of the competitors who seemed very confused about which religion was relevant (most of them thought kosher meant Muslim).
Then this prat Michael (who had written on his application form for the programme that he was "a good Jewish boy", presumably in the hope of gaining favour from Sir Alan, who is also Jewish) insists that in order to make the live chickens in the Muslim part of the souk "kosher" it would be acceptable for the Muslim butcher to say "Allah" over it while he cuts off its head.
FFS. And, to give you an idea of how bad the contestants are, this is NOT the guy who gets fired...
On other reality TV:
- the eviction of Sarah from I'd Do Anything was a complete travesty - she had the best voice of all the potential Nancys. Don't know who I want to win now though it's clear the completely biased Andrew Lloyd Webber is under instruction to make Jesse win.
- American Idol (yes, I am made to watch this): the eviction a couple of weeks ago of Michael Johns was again a disgrace. Please please can the American public now ensure that David Cook wins as he is the only one of those left who is in any way interesting.
- the US Democrats Race: it really looks to me like an end is in sight. 9 of the last 10 presidential elections have been won by the nominee decided first so, if it is Obama, he has his work cut out. (Not least because some astronomical number of Clinton supporters say they will vote for McCain over Obama - which is pretty strange (unless it is posturing to try and convince the superds that they need to get behind Hillary)). One article I read gave Clinton a 2% chance of the democratic nomination at this point but a 20% chance of swinging a future election between Obama and McCain in McCain's favour if she continues in the race.
Liverpool's potential purchase of Gareth Barry confuses me: yes, he is mates with Steven Gerrard and, yes, he is a very good football player (even if he's got no pace) but is he really a class above Alonso? Not for me. I COULD understand it if he was being bought to play at left back - but I sincerely doubt he would move on that basis.
Emile Heskey - I've always said you were a great player (..ahem), so please can you be at your absolute best against Manure on Saturday because it really would be tremendous if Chelsea pip the scum to the league. I would put a picture of Ferdinand's face in defeat on my wall because it would constantly give me pleasure.
On the puzzle front, the new Pieman is now with my co-editors for testing. I suspect it won't be the easiest puzzle in the next issue of the Mag.
Does anyone else get slightly paranoid when going into Boots? I do on the basis that most of the people who go into Boots are probably suffering from some sort of ailment - some of which will be communicable. So yesterday I had to trade off my need for antiseptic cream for insect bites against my fear of catching a lurgy from the diseased already in the shop. I risked it but I feel a bit funny today. |
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| Oh dear, oh dear |
[May. 1st, 2008|09:19 am] |
Well, we lost. And, yes, I did have to watch the game surrounded by rabid Chelsea fans. I've never been to such an important game before and sat "in the wrong end" - it is a very uncomfortable experience. It was very quickly clear that admitting not being a Chelsea fan would have had serious implications for one's physical health; so I made the decision that the mental damange of bottling up my real emotions was probably the better course of action.
When Chelsea score in the first half, everyone around me goes mental. Absolutely fucking mental. They are throwing themselves at each other in unadulterated bliss - I stand there politely clapping, hoping they assume I am just an emotionally stunted city type (which would probably be true).
Chelsea seemed to have much the better of the first half.
The second half though was much better from my perspective. When Torres equalises, the stand with the Liverpool fans seems to sway with the jubilant fans. One fan in the West Stand (where I am) gives some indication he supports Liverpool - immediately he gets his head kicked in and the stewards pile in to try and get him out. I look very glum and my acting skills are sufficiently good. The Chelsea fans turn against their team. Abuse of Grant and Malouda is spat on to the pitch every few seconds. I actually think Liverpool is going to win in normal time.
But we don't.
Extra time is painful. Even when Babel gives us a glimmer of hope (and shuts up every Chelsea fan around me in the middle of their chorus of "Let's go fuckin' mental, let's go fuckin' mental"), it isn't our night.
From an analytical standpoint I thought the Liveropol players had a very mixed night: it was a good night for Mascherano, who again was the best player on the pitch. (For Chelsea Essien was excellent as ever, Drogma annoyingly good and you can't really knock Lampard who did well just to be out there, let alone score the penalty). Alonso was pretty poor, Riise dreadful (and even I chuckled when every time he touched the ball the Chelsea fans shouted "Shoot"). Surprisingly Gerrard really struggled to get into the game and, perhaps as result, Torres didn't get too much to feet. One yardstick I was discussing with a fellow fan afterwards is this: if every Liverpool player was on the transfer list, which clubs would buy them? It is probably fair to say that the only players who would go to top Champions League teams would be Gerrard, Torres, Mascherano and, perhaps, Reina. It isn't too hard to see players like Kuyt etc going to mid table Premiership sides. I don't see Babel as a left winger in the long term - he could be a second striker with Torres - which means that this summer we need a new left back, a new left winger and possibly a new right back (although I quite like Arbeloa). The full back is one of the most important positions in the modern game and it's interesting to compare our with theirs last night: they have Ashley Cole (who as a person is a tool but he is a good footballer with a great engine) and Michael Essien (a superb player, full stop): we have Arbeloa and Riise. Nowhere is the quality gap more stark - and yet it was an incredibly tight game of football. I still have a great deal of faith in Benitez so here's hoping he gets proper backing in the transfer market this summer and, obviously, here's hoping he is still employed as manager of Liverpool next season.
On the way out I see the normal despicable behaviour that blights football - Chelsea fans chant "Murderers" at the Liverpool fans' buses and, no doubt, the Liverpool fans respond with something equally vile. Why it's necessary is beyond me. |
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| Oh dear... |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|09:17 am] |
Bitterly disappointed with the result last night. Thought Barca were the better team by a margin over the two legs but there we are. Now I am faced with an unusual dilemma: if I knew now that Liverpool would not win the final then I actually hope we lose tonight - losing to Manure in the final of the CL would be the worst thing I can imagine in football. On the other hand, beating them in the final would be the best thing in football, especially if it came through a last minute own goal from Gary Neville.
Off to the Bridge tonight and suspect it will be a very hard game to watch from my perspective. Finktank (the statistics program often cited in the Times) predicts our chances of progressing at only 30% (they were 70% before Riise's intervention). Even if we somehow do progress I'm worried that getting Carragher and Gerrard through the game without a yellow card feels unlikely, especially given this referee's record - which would rule either/both out of the final.
Conversation with my wife last night:
Her: "What are we going to watch on TV?"
Me: "The Man U game. I've recorded it from the start."
Her (an occasional Man U fan although she doesn't actually know when they are playing/who plays for them/etc) "Do you know the score?": It is 8.15pm at the time so the game has been on for half and hour. She says this with a smile on her face so I immediately know that she's heard on the radio that Man U are ahead.
Later:
Me: "It wasn't very nice to basically tell me the score in the Man U game."
Her: "Well you shouldn't have asked me."
Does anyone else have these unfair conversations? |
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| Animals play football |
[Apr. 27th, 2008|03:06 pm] |
Watched the Chelsea V Manure game yesterday. High quality game from Chelsea who played very well (except for the obvious ricket). Ballack and Essien were excellent, Drogba bizarre. But what I want to know is how, when Mascherano was sent off for asking a question at Old Trafford, were any of the Manure players on the pitch at the end? Ferdinand, Hargreaves, Giggs, Rooney, Fletcher all abused the officials throughtout the game - no sendings-off and only a couple of yellow cards. It's a disgrace and the hypocrites at the FA need to sort it out. And then we hear that the animal Ferdinand has "accidently" kicked a female steward in the tunnel after the match. Which begs the question: why is he paid so much money to play football if he, when aiming to kick a wall, manages to kick a person instead? Apparently this thug was favourite to be England Captain - yeah, what a role model.
Some other thoughts:
1. Chelsea did play well and the croud was slightly louder than it often is at the Bridge - I hope they'll all have sore throats come Wednesday and the players will all be knackered. I also hope that the fact that they have the advantage of not needing to win will make them approach the game in a much more defensive way - they actually looked really good today when they needed to score.
2. Man U have now had several pretty poor results in a row when they've not just got a poor(ish) result. Will they find it hard to play so differently against Barca on Tuesday - I think so, especially as Barca will frustrate the life out of them by keeping the ball. Imagine how great it would be if Barca knock them out!
3. The pitch at the bridge looked quite dodgy - this probably won't suit Liverpool.
4. Liverpool are 12 points behind Man U who top the table. Had Liverpool beaten Man U in their two matches rather than losing twice (once a complete injustice at Anfield and once because of the "outrageous" questioning of the referee by Mascherano at the Theatre of Prawns) then Liverpool would be tied with United. We are not far away.
Here is a fable which I'm pretty sure Aesop wrote:
Once there was a wife who enjoyed shopping [Aesop didn't understand tautology]. One day, as she planned her latest exhibition to the land of Bluewater, her husband (a man of humble needs) suggested that there might be room in the car for her to fit in one tiny CD which he had long coveted. 'This may be the case' said the wife.
And so it did come to pass that the wife was away for many many hours procuring the purchase of sundry useless items, all destined to be thrown away in but a few short months time. 'Never mind' thought the ever-tolerant husband at least she will have bought the token CD he had modestly requested.
And the moral of this story: The brains of wives will struggle to remember the name of your CD once they arrive in the promised land of Bluewater, with its fabled shoe merchants and emporia selling coffee machines and the like. So buy your own effing CDs. |
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